Five Rules of Life (or Fadil's Dream)

Farewell Week for Us in Bosnia

Yesterday Dionne and I left Sarajevo. But we will post more about those experiences soon. Probably after this 10-day cruise that leaves in a few hours.

It was a little strange to wake up Tuesday morning and not put on our name tags. Hopefully I will wear this again some day. But you never know.

On Sunday we both gave our final church talks. For my talk, I was inspired by my close friend, Fadil, to think about what I would consider to be the "five rules of life." In talking to Brennen about this, I realized that this type of list situational and contextual. My list as an 18-year old high school senior is different from my list as a 42-year marketing executive which is very different from my list as a 54-year old humanitarian missionary in the Balkans.

Our final "selfie" in front of the Cooper's apartment. Sarajevo blessed us with a beautiful snow Tuesday morning...but not enough to put our flight at risk.

Dionne is going to post portions of her talk in a separate post.

Fadil's Dream

Dionne and I have been honored to serve here in Bosnia. Bosnia has become one of our many homes. The country and its people are now in our hearts. Although we fly home soon, our hearts will never leave. We thank you for your support, friendship, and love. And the great food that you have fed us as we have visited in your homes. Does anyone know where can I get burek and ćevapi in Kansas City?

Our last real meal in Bosnia was, of course, ćevapi. I am not sure I would have loved it without the "luk" (onions) since there is typically not any sauce to go with it.

The topic for my talk today was inspired by a dear friend, Fadil Ramadanović. During a time when he was suffering some personal trials, he had a vivid dream where Sister Newton and I appeared to him and told him that „he had forgotten the five rules of life.“ After he woke up, he could not remember what these 5 rules were but he had a powerful determination to take control of his life.

Fadil surrounded by some wonderful Sarajevo missionaries.

When he told me about his dream, I immediately began to ponder about what I would say my 5 rules of life are. I am sure there are a number of scriptures, politicians, TED talks, Facebook memes, and self-help books that I could consult to come up with a list. But I am not interested in somebody's else list.

Fadil and (former) Elder Smith. Fadil was able to remember a couple of the rules. They were things that he needed to hear but that I would probably never say. For example, one of the rules was "how you dress reflects who you are." As he told me this, I could not help but chuckle about a Nextel experience I had a few years ago. I was a director but did not dress like it. In fact, I had this pair of black dress shoes which I kept wearing despite holes in the bottom and a loosened sole. A friend and colleague, Miguel Lecuona, pulled me aside and offered to buy me some new shoes! It was nice of him to offer...and it made me realize that I should go buy some new shoes.

So I started to craft a few simple rules of life based on my experiences. In fact, I immediately told Fadil the first of these rules after he told me the story. It was not one of the ones from the dream. In fact, none of these match Fadil's dream.

These are my 5 rules of life.

1. Hard Work

First, Hard Work. Hard work is always rewarded. Drive to the top of a small mountain West of Sarajevo and you will find a little slice of equiestrean heaven. Horse enthusiasts flock here. Parents host birthday parties for their kids. There are winter and summer children's adventure camps. And thereapeutic horseback programs for people with disabilities. 

Competing during the jumping show. Dionne got to serve as a judge. 

It is easy to assume that this wonderful facility is the result of a foreign investor looking for a return on investment. Instead, it a testament to the value of hard work.

Work is infectious! Everyone that is part of the Pegasos family works. Works hard. And loves it! This is a testament to the Emin, Senada, and Tanya's vision.

The couple who own this barn, Emin and Senada, have made this their life work. Ten years ago Senada worked three jobs so that she could have the funds to go to America to receive the training and knowledge to operate a therapeutic horsebacking riding program. 

Dionne and Senada (holding the horse) mount a young rider. These two seemed to speak a language all of themselves.

Upon her return, the couple married. But instead of a traditional wedding ring, Emin spent the money and bought her a horse, Dona. 

Senada's engagement ring. 

Soon she and her friend Tonya were running riding programs for schools and horse enthusiasts.

Hard work, sacrifice, and saving allowed them to buy property for a barn. Emin and his brother built the stalls by hand. Every day brings another challenge. The work never ends. 

One of the constant challenges is keeping the water running. Elders Rasmussen and Isom help Emin as he works on the water pump.

But they rise to the challenge. And they have built something to be proud of on top of the mountain.

One of my favorite days at Riders of Hope was helping a young man who used  wheelchair ride a horse.

We all have to work. We all punch a time clock in some fashion or another. But we control how much effort we put towards our labors. Rules #1 is simple. Hard work is rewarded. Always. But not always in ways that we expect.

Emin and Senada hanging with a FEI jumping professional.

2. Tithe

Second, Tithe. I repeat, tithe. Or give. Or serve. But I prefer to say tithe. Why? Because giving real money hurts. It hurts to give 10% of your income. It is easier to give a few coins to a Roma on the street. Or to give a neighbor a helping hand. But tithing your income. Giving 10% of what you have. That is hard. And it matters.

Sister Locey was visited by a young Roma boy in Mostar. Click on the video to hear him sing. 

Why does it matter? It matters because it teaches you how to live on less than you make. It teaches you to sacrifice some of the things that „you've just got to have.“ Tithing builds trust in God. And tithing means that you are working for someone other than just yourself and your family. Too many people in this world have the attitude „I've got mine, you've got yours.“ When you tithe you say „a portion of what is mine is also yours.“ Unconditionally.

John (middle holding the horse) is one of the many unsung heroes at Riders of Hope. He volunteers his time to help keep things running smoothly. He fixes everything, helps run the camps, and babysits. Nearly all of his vacation time is spent helping out; it is truly a labour of love.

So Rule #2 is to tithe. Or give. Or to serve. Get into the habit of giving.

3. Discipline

Third, Discipline. Discipline. As we embark on our own individual journeys, there are snares, pitfalls, pits of quicksand, and booby traps aplenty. Drugs. Alcohol. Facebook. Gossip. Video games. Pornography. Money. Smoking. Gambling. Chocolate. NBA Basketball. Pop Music. Netflix. Shopping. Even good things like skiing, exercising, or horses can become bad things without discipline. There is something out there that can snare each and everyone of us. That without discipline can take over our lives.

Smoking is a tremendous problem in Bosnia. We were talking with a colleague this weekend who told us a story about prenatal care. She said that she knew a doctor (I do not believe this is representative) who told an expectant mother that if she could limit her smoking to 15 cigarettes a day, she would be fine. The damage that cigarettes are doing to Bosnian life is staggering.

Without personal discipline, you can become enslaved. Let me tell you about the worst day of our mission; Jan 1st of last year. When we moved to Northern Virginia, we discovered the Calderwood family. They were just like us. Lots of kids. Energetic. Loved to have fun. Our families became close friends. Their youngest boy, Connor, was the same age as our youngest, Brennen. He was very friendly and nowhere near as wild as his older brothers. But he started drinking when he was in high school. And then began to use drugs. He wanted to stop. He even moved back home with his parents to stop the drugs. And he had. Until New Year's Eve. He left the house, found some heroin, and a few hours later he died of an overdose.

Brennen and his Virginia friends at a birthday party. Connor is #61.

Contrast Connor's story with that of another close friend, San Juan. He started using cocaine when he was 15. Became a dealer. Went to jail. And remained addicted for another 10 years. The only times he stopped using drugs was when he lived in our home. After two clean years living with us, San Juan knew he had to move out because we were leaving for this mission. So he found himself an apartment about 9 months before we left. A week later he was using drugs again. But finally he decided he had had enough. He moved in with his 85-year old grandmother. 

Dionne and San Juan at Erica's wedding reception.

I just got a note last week from him that said 2 2 2. Two years, two months, and two days clean!

This was from yesterday. He's now 2 2 2 2! Those of us who have not had to deal with drug addiction do not understand how difficult and significant this accomplishment is.

Rule of life #3, you have to have personal discipline.

4. Stop Complaining

Fourth, Stop complaining. Get over yourself and stop complaining. Humans love to complain. In Europe It seems that part of the cafe culture is sitting, relaxing, and complaining...about politics, about work, about friends, about the weather, about your health, about Trump. About everything.

It took us a while to actually meet the Ministry of Education in Mostar. But when we did, we really enjoyed our conversation. He studied at the University of Missouri. We were able to suspend the natural Tiger-Jayhawk animosity and bound over BBQ and other things he misses from the states.

Here is an interesting thing about Bosnians...I have never met one who does not seize the opportunity to complain about politics. Even the politicians that I have met! Yet when election day comes, nothing ever changes.

We held a closing ceremony in Vlasenica. Our host was the mayor. He has a lot of energy and was fun to be around for the day.

Complaining makes us feel better about ourselves. But at what cost? When we complain we give up a part of ourselves. We voluntarily make ourselves the victim of someone or something. In this way we give our victimizer control; over our emotions, over our actions, over our lives. The three-step process is quite simple, really. First, we accuse others of wronging us. Second, we excuse ourselves of our own part in the conflict. And third, we then display ourselves to our friends as victims. Accuse...Excuse...Beg for Sympathy. That is the process.

This is from an Advanced Studies presentation I did a few years ago. In different forms, I have been thinking about this rule for some time. The process of "victimization" is so detrimental. 

Stop it. Just stop it. This is a dangerous path to walk upon. One of the most vile humans to ever walk the earth considered himself a victim. In fact, this person's literary opus is a case study in complaining and playing the victim. You can tell this by the title this work...“Mein Kampf“...which translated means „My Struggles.“ Yes, even Adolf Hitler considered himself a victim.

Christ, on the other hand, lights a completely different path. His people, the Jews, certainly had ample reason to complain. They were ruled by Roman oppressors. Thousands of Jews were crucified by the Romans, often for political reasons. Yet Jesus told his followers to „love your enemy,“ to „bless them that curse you, „ to „turn the other cheek also,“ to „agree with thine adversary quickly,“ and to be „merciful.“

Why does Jesus say these things? Certainly bad things happen to people. They did then and they do today. Life is not fair. But Jesus tells us to overcome the „natural man“ reaction of hate, anger, and complaining. I suggest that this is because by doing these things, we actually make the situation worse. When we complain about something, we hold on to it in our hearts. We nourish it. We cherish it. And we love to convince others about how badly we have been treated. When we hold this hate in our hearts, there is no place for something else, something so much more important. By constantly complaining about our lives, we close our hearts to the influence of love.

So rule #4, Stop complaining. So that you can begin to truly live Rule #5.

5. Love

Fifth, Love. Learn how to love. The musical adaptation of Victor Hugo's Les Miserables is often voted the greatest Broadway musical of all-time. As Jean Valjean lays dying, the final words to this musical perfectly sum up his life...“to love another person is to see the face of God.“ This life is about learning to love. Truly love.

An educator working with a child. 

I wish to end this talk the way that I started it. By telling the story of a Bosnian whose life exemplifies this rule.

Adisa and Dionne at a Unicef conference.

To me, Adisa is the ideal Muslim woman. In her own words, she is a „true Muslim“ and she openly stated that there are not many „true Muslims“ in Bosnia (or anywhere else for that matter). But she tries to live her faith. To exemplify her faith.

Adisa with two of her children at the famous "stone spheres" of Zavidovići.

Ten years ago her youngest son, Faris, stopped talking. He was 4-years old. And he just stopped talking. Scrambling to determine what was wrong, the doctors diagnosed him with autism. She looked for help in her little community of Zavidovići and was dismayed as she learned there was no one to help. She worked for the school system so she knew that they did not have a program to help children with disabilities. Children like this were kept at home with their families or sent to centers in Tuzla or Zenica.

Faris working on a painting for the Mala Sirena hallway.

This was not good enough for Adisa. Driven by her love for her child, she decided to do something about it. In her spare time, she formed Mala Sirena (Little Mermaid), a non-profit to help children like Faris. She sought out grant money, hired and trained specialists, and convinced the school system to allow children like Faris to attend school.

Lightning McQueen by Faris.

Faris resumed talking after a few years. He was able to get into the school system. And he is one of my best friends in Zavidovići. He speaks great English, much better than his older sister. He is a good artist. And when you meet him, you would never guess that he has autism.

Hiking with Faris.

But the world is full of examples of parents who make sacrifices for their children out of love. Adisa’s love extends well beyond her love for Faris. Faris’ autism was just a spring board for Adisa. She now lives a life of true and unconditional love. Love for others who were in her situation. And love for their children. Hundreds of Zavidovići children have benefited due to Adisa’s love for them. Children confined to wheelchairs, children with autism, children who cannot speak, children with cerebral palsy, so many children. She loves them, and they love her.

The wonderful staff a Kuća Nade. We work with so many heroes across Bosnia. Women (and a few men...but mostly women) who sacrifice so much to help those with disabilities.

“To love another person is to see the face of God.” I believe that Adisa has seen the face of God. She sees God every time she hugs one of her Mala Sirena children.

I had this photo in mind as I wrote this line. This was one of the last times we met with Mala Sirena and Adisa. What makes Adisa so special is that she does everything as a volunteer. Mala Sirena is not her full-time job. She does what she does for moments like this. 

So the final rule of life is to learn how to love. Loving your family is a good place to start. But you truly begin to know God when you allow your love to extend beyond family members.

We were so proud that the first all-LDS Bosnia service project was held at Mala Sirena. I was especially proud at the way the Tuzla branch showed up for this project. 

To reiterate. Work hard. Tithe…Give…Serve. Discipline. Stop Complaining. Love. These are my five rules of life. Do these things and I promise that you will be a force for good in this world. And you will have an inner peace that burns within your heart.

Thank you Fadil for the inspiration. Vidimo se uskoro. Volim te.

Come Listen to a Prophet's Voice

Thomas S. Monson was called as an apostle in 1963, the year I was born. As a child forced to watch General Conference, I could always looked forward to Monson's talks. He told these amazing stories that were interesting and spiritual. Unlike other speakers who would tell a quick anecdote to introduce their topic, often Monson's stories were the main point of his talk. He invited his listeners to relive these stories with him and learn from them the same way that he had. Jesus taught by way of parables, Monson by way of the story.

Thomas S. Monson, the president and prophet of the LDS Church, passed away this week. It was expected since his health had been failing for some time now. It was just a matter of time.

He was an apostle for six decades. What I have decided to do, to honor him and his life, is to take a talk from each of his six decades and apply his prophetic voice to our life here as missionaries in Bosnia. 

Thomas S. Monson at the KC temple dedication ceremony. Monson's personality appeared as he interacted with the children in the audience. He is able to walk the fine line of being funny without being offensive. Affable is a good term for President Monson. In the background is Sister Hardy, the temple matron whom it was a pleasure to serve under as temple workers in KC. 

October 2012 - Beginning at Age 19

I will never forget this session of conference. I was sitting at the airport preparing to board a plane to London. I had about 20 minutes before the plane boarded. Then I got a call from my youngest daughter, Briel. She had turned 19 just a few weeks before. She was in tears. When she told me the news, a tear came to my eye as well. Because this was her miracle.

Saying good-bye to my daughter Briel as she enters the MTC.

She knew she needed to serve a mission. But 21 was a long ways off. She was considering taking a semester off and doing a service mission somewhere. The age change gave her clarity of purpose. She called her Bishop and started the paperwork almost immediately. She was the first 19-year sister old missionary to leave from our stake. She was the first 19-year old sister missionary in her mission (Iloilo, Philippines).

The missionaries share a taxi. Makes the trams in Sarajevo look luxurious.

You can never leave Sister Newton!

The number of sisters serving missions has doubled since the age change announcement. It is hard to imagine the Adriatic North Mission with 50% less sisters. Sisters brings an unique form of energy. We have been filming some video of Elders and Sisters contacting on the streets here. People seem to respond more warmly to the sisters when they approach. We have been joking that we are going to make a "greatest rejection" video with the Elders.

Sisters Russell and Christensen were here for some early December snowfalls. 

We have served with 12 different sisters here in Sarajevo. In our public affairs calling, we have served with 3 additional media sisters. They have brought joy, love, and energy to Sarajevo and the mission. And a little comic relief (Sister Rogeau at the alpine slide, for instance).

Sisters Andjewerden, Higley, and Rougeau. All three served in both Sarajevo and Banja Luka.

I know kissing is against mission rules...but who could resist a smooch from Elder Hole's "action otter." We served with Sister Locey the longest...three full transfers.

Holding puppies is another "illegal" activity...but what can you do when Elder Newton hands him to you. We found a litter of about 8 puppies up near Pino and it was hard to resist playing with them. Fortunately Sister Newton does not have to follow the "no puppy" rule since we have a whole portfolio of pictures of her with stray dogs.

Esma has gotten to know almost all of the Sister missionaries. This pairing, Sister Martineau and McColm was probably one of my favorites because the two are such opposites. It was fun to watch them learn to live with each other.

Last summer we had 3 sisters in Sarajevo. Sister Turner and Bues brought tons of energy...except when riding in the car. 

Sister Orchard was the other part of the threesome. 

Sisters Heder and Russell are going to send us off and welcome our replacements, the Coopers.

With regards to the age change, it is likely that the idea did not originate with President Monson. It seems silly in retrospect but large organizations typically find this type of change difficult. Practices become traditions and traditions become institutions. It is classic organizational behavior. Members had defended the 21-year age for so long that no one was really questioning the logic behind it. So thank you President Monson for giving us a breath of fresh air.

A few moments later, President Monson also had this to say..."we continue to need many more senior couples. As your circumstances allow, as you are eligible for retirement, and as your health permits, I encourage you to make yourselves available for full-time missionary service. Both husband and wife will have a greater joy as they together serve our Father's children.

Can you tell the "greater joy" I am experiencing by the look on my face?

October 2009 - Anger Doesn't Solve Anything

President Monson's character exuded joy and hope. What makes this amazing is that he did not live a sheltered life. He was at countless deathbeds. Old and young. He was specifically assigned to serve "behind the Iron Curtain" and minister to the Saints in East Germany. He often heard tales of the worst in human nature.

But those stories never broke him. He never gave into the pangs of anger. There has been much recent talk about "righteous anger" by those whose desire is for political change. Unfortunately, anger just breeds more anger. Contention leads to contention. Monson, however, believed in peace and love.

The buildings and streets in Bosnia still bear the scars of war. The funny thing is...nobody saw the conflict coming...most Bosnians took pride in how well the different cultures coexisted. 

Monson's address entitled "School Thy Feelings" speaks directly to the situation in Bosnia; a place where there is too much anger and not enough hope.

Fortunately most of the landmines have been cleared by now. Still remember my father warning me about jogging in Bosnia because of the landmine danger. 

Monson talked of counseling a couple whose anger had caused a family tragedy. During the early years of their marriage, they were driving on vacation with their young son (18 months old). This was back in day before car seats...so all three of them we sitting in the front seat. The parents got into a heated argument while driving and the husband got so angry that he picked up a toy from the floor and threw it at his wife. He hit his son instead. The impact was so hard that the child would be brain damaged for the rest of his life.

Bosnia has not healed from the war. Too much anger remains. The three cultures are segregating to an alarming degree. Anger and distrust is taught at home, on the street, and even within the schools. Quiet whispers prevail. "You should not have a Serb friend, remember what they did to us." "There isn't any justice for us here." 

Imagine the guilt that the parents would feel the rest of their lives. The result of uncontrolled anger. And imagine listening to this story from President Monson's perspective. How do you counsel someone in this situation? How can a marriage overcome this?

Institutions that should be leading reconciliation efforts in Bosnia are, quite frankly, not. Churches and mosques are not providing the leadership needed to quell the anger. And the politicians continue to fan the flames of distrust. 

President Monson said that he thinks of that couple whenever he reads the words "Anger doesn't solve anything. It builds nothing, but it can destroy everything."

And then he added his own witness. "To be angry is to yield to the influence of Satan. No one can make us angry. It is our choice. If we desire to have a proper spirit with us at all times, we must choose to refrain from becoming angry. I testify that such is possible."

How does a monstrosity like Srebrenica occur? It cannot occur if there is not some form of institutional anger which has been left to fester.

Too many people here in Bosnia choose to remain angry. Horrible things happened here. Genocide. Rape. Starvation. Torture. But healing cannot occur when anger remains. Bosnians choose, as a people, to remain angry. And if that does not change, "it can destroy everything."

Even something as simple as a football match can become dangerous because of anger. When we attended darby, the police were out in full riot gear. And we were warned about the dangers of walking in the wrong places either before or after the match. Our guide, Haris, made sure to take us on a safe route. 

October 1990 - Twelve of Whom Were in Attendance

When he was younger, Tommy Monson served as a mission president in Canada. The first president of the KC temple, was a missionary under him and often referred to him as "Tommy." The area was always dear to Monson's heart and he mentioned it often during the stories he would tell. 

In a 1990 talk entitled "Days Never to Be Forgotten," Elder Monson described a visit to the St. Thomas branch, located about 120 miles outside of Toronto. He was invited to attend sacrament meeting and give a talk to the members there.

Elder Shaw and Sisters Orchard and Russell practicing a song for church. The missionaries are called upon to do something every Sunday...speaking, performing, teaching a class, music, and cleaning.

"As we drove along a fashionable street, we saw many church buildings and wondered which one was ours. None was. We located the address which had been provided and discovered it to be a decrepit lodge hall. Our branch met in the basement of the lodge hall and was comprised of perhaps 25 members, 12 of whom were in attendance. The same individuals conducted the meeting, blessed and passed the sacrament, offered the prayers, and sang the songs."

Monson met with the branch president who pointed at picture of a church and said "we need one of those here." Monson replied that it would come in due time once the little branch had enough members to support a building (this was back when local members paid 30% for the cost of a building). President Wilson remarked "we need that building and we need it now!"

Sreten prepares to bless the sacrament in Tuzla. 

So Wilson requested six additional missionaries for St. Thomas. "He called the missionaries to a meeting in the back room of his small jewelry store, where they knelt in prayer. He then asked one elder to hand to him the yellow-page telephone directory, which was on nearby table. President Wilson took the book in hand and observed, 'if we are ever to have our dream building in St. Thomas, we will need a Latter-Day Saint to design it. Since we do not have a member who is an architect, we will simply have to convert one.' With his finger moving down the column of listed architects, he paused at one name and said, 'This is the one we will invite to my home to hear the message of the Restoration.' President Wilson followed the same procedure with regard to plumbers, electricians, and craftsmen of every description. Nor did he neglect other professions, feeling a desire for a well-balanced branch. The individuals were invited to his home to meet the missionaries, the truth was taught, testimonies were borne and conversion resulted."

Within two and a half years a building was constructed. And that branch is now a thriving ward.

The Pruess family lived in Sarajevo for 3 years. Love crazy-pose pictures!

"When I reflect on the town of St. Thomas, I dwell not on the ward's hundreds of members and many dozens of families; rather, in memory I return to that sparse sacrament meeting in the lodge-hall basement and the Lord's promise, 'Where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.'" (Matthew 18:20)

Elder Leach speaking to a large crowd in Tuzla.

Monson's description of  St. Thomas reminds me of the branches here in Bosnia. The buildings are small and certainly not on par with the wonderful mosques and Orthodox/Catholic churches here. Only 2 members (and 6 missionaries) attended the Sarajevo branch this past Sunday. Tuzla has had weeks where there was not a single member in attendance.

Elder Smith and Fadil share a warm embrace.

But we all know that there will be larger numbers here someday. There will be bigger buildings. The branch will become a ward. We just need to find our President Wilsons. Established locals through whom the light of God shines.

The Sunday of Christmas Eve we had over 30 attendees at church in Sarajevo. We were excited with the numbers. Many people lingered for over an hour after the meeting was over. 

October 1981 - Tell Me What Happens To My Spirit When I Die

In the face of death and tragedy, where do we find hope? In 1981 Elder Monson addressed that question in a talk entitled "He is Risen." Another story answers this question and also tells us much about the man that Thomas S. Monson is.

One of our favorite photos from Bosnia. Just can't remember where we took it.

"Many years ago I stood by the bedside of a young man, the father of two children, as he hovered between life and the great beyond. He took my hand in his, looked into my eyes and pleadingly asked, 'Bishop, I know I am about to die. Tell me what happens to my spirit when I die.'

I prayed for heavenly guidance before attempting to respond. My attention was directed to the Book of Mormon, which rested on the table beside his bed. I held the book in my hand, and, as I stand before you today, that book opened to the fortieth chapter of Alma. I began to read aloud:

'Now my son, here is somewhat more I would say unto thee; for I perceive that thy mind is worried concerning the resurrection of the dead...now concerning the state of the soul between death and the resurrection--Behold, it has been made known unto me by an angel, that the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body...are taken home to that God who gave them life. And then shall it come to pass, that the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace; where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow.' (Alma 40:1, 11-12)

My young friend closes his eyes, expressed a sincere thank-you, and silently slipped away to that paradise about which we had spoken."

During the middle ages, Bosnians created these massive headstones called stećak. There are an estimated 60,000 of these within BiH.

The beginning of 2017 was difficult for us. On New Year's Day, our good friends, Kerry and Pixie Calderwood, lost their youngest son Connor by overdose. A few weeks later members of my family experienced a life-altering event which we are yet publicly discussing. But everything is different on my side of the family. And here in Sarajevo, many members have lost loved ones this year.

Connor (left) with his sister and parents. 

Alma's promise of a paradise where our loved ones "shall rest from all their troubles" in a state of peace brings me comfort.

The second largest Jewish cemetery in Europe is located in Sarajevo. There used to be a sizable Jewish population in Bosnia but Tito allowed them to emigrate to Israel in the mid-70s. Most of them left at that time.

As I learn more about President Monson, I realize that he never shirked from the role of comforter. It is hard to know what to say to someone that is grieving, to someone that is sick, and especially someone who is dying. I admit that there are times when I don't reach out because I am not sure what I can do. Or I do not want to intrude.

Another thing that this story tells us about Monson is that he confidently relies on the Spirit. He was only in his early 20s when this story occurred. He did not have scriptures memorized for occasions like this. It is impossible to have an answer to every question regardless of how hard you study, how much you know, or how educated you are. But he had faith that the Lord would guide him to the right answer.

October 1975 - Suffer the Little Children

According to his biographer, Thomas S. Monson learned an invaluable lesson that defined his life when he was a young Bishop at the age of 23. "He had the distinct spiritual prompting to leave a priesthood leadership meeting as his president was speaking and visit an elderly member of his congregation in the hospital. It seemed rude to stand, shuffle over 20 people, and exit as his presiding leader spoke. Instead, he sat uncomfortably until the talk ended, then bolted for the door before the closing prayer. At the hospital, he ran down the corridor. He stopped when he saw commotion outside the room of the man he was to visit. A nurse told him the man had died, calling Bishop Monson's name as he passed away. Shattered, the fledgling bishop went outside and wept, sobbing. He vowed then, in the parking lot of the old Veterans Hospital, that he would never turn a deaf ear to another prompting.

According to Jeffrey R. Holland, "It's the most impressive story I know from him about his ministry to the one. As far as I know he kept that promise ever since. It became fundamentally characteristic of his life and what sets him apart from others, that he committed to this idea of following a prompting, and the focus almost always was a single person."

Young Esma, born 3 months premature, was resuscitated using techniques taught by LDS Charities through the efforts of George and Marcia Bennett.

In 1975 Elder Monson gave a talk that reinforced his commitment to listening for and following promptings. The talk is called The Faith of a Child. 

He tells of the Methvin family from Shreveport, Louisiana. Ten-year old daughter, Christal, discovered an unusual lump on her leg. It was cancerous and the leg was removed. But the cancer had spread to her lungs. They did not despair but decided to seek a blessing from a General Authority. Since they did not know any personally, Christal randomly picked Elder Monson.

Sister Melonakos plays with a young refugee baby in Kutina.

"Christal never made the flight to Salt Lake City. Her condition deteriorated. The end drew nigh. But her faith did not waver. To her parents, she said, "isn't stake conference approaching? Isn't a General Authority assigned? And why not Brother Monson? If I can't go to him, the Lord can send him to me.

Meanwhile in Salt Lake City, with no knowledge of the events transpiring in Shreveport, a most unusual situation developed. For the weekend of the Shreveport Louisiana Stake Conference, I had been assigned El Paso, Texas. President Benson called me to his office and explained that one of the other Brethren had done some preparatory work regarding the stake division in El Paso. He asked if I would mind were another to be assigned to El Paso and I assigned elsewhere. Of course there was no problem--anywhere would be fine with me. Then President Benson said, 'Brother Monson, I feel impressed to have you visit the Shreveport Louisiana Stake.' The assignment was accepted. The day came. I arrived in Shreveport.

Our Croatian Red Cross friend, Mario, plays with some refugee children. Mario wears his heart on his sleeve and considers many of the refugees as his own pseudo-children. Especially the unaccompanied minors.

That Saturday was filled with meetings--one with the stake presidency, one with priesthood leaders, one with the patriarch, then, yet another with the general leadership of the stake. Rather apologetically, Stake President Cagle asked if my schedule would permit me time to provide a blessing to a ten-year old girl afflicted with cancer. Her name: Christal Methvin. I responded that, if possible, I would do so, and then inquired if she would be at the conference, or was she in Shreveport hospital? Knowing the time was tightly scheduled, President Cagle almost whispered that Christal was confined to her home--more than eighty miles from Shreveport.

I examined the schedule of meetings for that evening and the next morning--even my return flight. There simply was no available time. An alternative suggestion came to mind. Could we not remember the little one in our public prayers at conference? Surely the Lord would understand. On this basis, we proceeded with the scheduled meetings.

Dionne with a young refugee in Porin, Croatia.

When the word was communicated to the Methvin family, there was understanding but a trace of disappointment as well. Hadn't the Lord heard their prayers? Hadn't he provided that Brother Monson would come to Shreveport? Again the family prayed, asking for a final favor--that their precious Christal would realize her desire.

At the very moment the Methvin family knelt in prayer, the clock in the stake center showed the time to be 7:45. I was sorting my notes, preparing to step to the pulpit, when I heard a voice speak to my spirit. The message was brief, the words familiar: 'Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not, for such is the kingdom of God.' (Mark 10:14) My notes became a blur. My thoughts turned to a tiny girl in need of a blessing. The decision was made. The meeting schedule was altered. After all, people are more important than meetings. I turned to Bishop Serra and asked that the leave the meeting and advise the Methvins.

Tarik is a wonderful young man that lives in Zavidovići, BiH. It has been a pleasure to see his growth this year. In the background is our infamous European leader at LDS Charities, Gilles Francois. 

The Methvin family had just arisen from their knees when the telephone rang and the message was relayed that early Sunday morning--the Lord's day--in a spirit of fasting and prayer, we would journey to Christal's bedside.

I shall ever remember and never forget that early-morning journey to a heaven the Methvin family calls home. I have been in hallowed places--even holy houses--but never have I felt more strongly the presence of the Lord than in the Methvin home. Christal looked so tiny lying peacefully on such a large bed. The family surrounded Christal's bedside. I gazed down at a child who was too ill to rise--almost too weak to speak. Her illness had now rendered her sightless. So strong was the spirit that I fell to my knees, took her frail hand in mine, and said simply, 'Christal, I am here.' She parted her lips and whispered, 'Brother Monson, I just knew you would come.' A blessing was given. A faint smile crossed Christal's face. Her whispered 'thank you' provided an appropriate benediction. Quietly each filed from the room.

Four days later the pure spirit of Christal Methvin left its disease-ravaged body and entered the paradise of God.

Esma is alive because of the selfless service of members of the church. There are hundreds of other children alive in Bosnia today due to the efforts of the newborn resuscitation team.

October 1965 - A Humble and Pure Heart

There is a common theme throughout all of the Thomas S. Monson's talks. Once you come to know God, he will guide you as you strive to do his will. And God's will always involves helping others.

The sisters are witnesses even at the bottom of a deep river valley near Jajce.

How do any of us develop a deep faith in God? Monson answered that question back in 1965 when he proclaimed:

"The formula for finding Jesus has always been and ever will be the same--the earnest and sincere prayer of a humble and pure heart. The Prophet Jeremiah counseled '...ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.'" (Jeremiah 29:13)

President Nelson visited the Bosnia prior to the church being formally recognized here.

Be careful, however, if you truly seek God. Because once you find God, you will desire to become part of God's work. And "our opportunities to give of ourselves are indeed limitless, but they are also perishable. There are kind words to say. There are gifts to be given. There are deeds to be done. There are souls to be saved. "Go, gladden the lonely, the dreary; go, comfort the weeping, the weary; go, scatter kind deeds on your way, oh, make the world brighter today!"

Elder Rasband meeting with the Federation President.

There is a subtle theology that runs through President Monson's talks. He learned about God through experience, not singular study. He listened to the promptings of the spirit and God instructed him as he took the requisite action. A few years ago Elder Oaks gave a talk which describes well President Monson's theology. Elder Oaks argued that what matters in this life is what we "become" as we respond to the grace of God. Oaks did a wonderful job of using words to describe this theory of salvation. In my opinion, President Monson has done an even better job of explaining this theory. His life serves as an examplar of progressing from grace-to-grace and we are all the beneficiaries of his life's work.

Newly called apostle, Thomas S. Monson.

Thomas S. Monson Talks Through the Years