God knows my Needs

As I sit at my computer this evening it is hard to decide what to write about today. So much has happened in the past couple of months since we arrived in Sarajevo. I've written about most of the projects we've been involved in and Denny has written about, well... "life" in Sarajevo as we've alternated weeks doing the blog post. We seem to have found a pretty good balance in posting that way, keeping things from getting too boring! But today I want to deviate from that a bit and talk about why I know I'm here at this specific time in my life.

As most of my family and close friends know, the decision to go on a mission was not an easy one for me. For many years, Denny and I had talked about going on a mission "someday in the future" like in 2026, not 2016.  I was finally finding my stride in my personal career path in the field of Equine Assisted Activities and Therapies. *(EAAT) I was beginning to feel like I could truly make a difference, to help others on the same path and to bring the excitement I was feeling to others in the industry as well as those special riders I had the pleasure to work with. Things were truly falling into place. I was hoping to get back into showing my horses and had found a great barn and group of friends that I enjoyed spending my "horse time" with. I loved attending my grandchildren's events and the special visits from the one living out of state. I wanted to "be there" for my adult children, to help them with their life challenges and celebrate their successes with them. The list goes on and on. I had so many reasons NOT to go and only ONE reason I should go... because it's what God needed me to do.

As I truly pondered and prayed about the decision I slowly came to the realization that all my reasons for not going were purely selfish. Sure, I could still help others if I stayed in Kansas, but not in the way we are able to do on a mission. The conversion process was slow, it took me nearly a year to actually come to the final decision to follow God's will instead of my own.  But once the decision was made, there were so many small signs that God knew my struggles and would help me along the journey. Way too many to list in a blog post, but I'd like to share a few.

First, he made sure my biggest concern was no longer an issue. He brought a wonderful young man into my youngest daughter's life so I could let him take care of her while we were gone. Briel and Mitch got married less than two weeks before we reported to the MTC. My younger son and his wife, Brennen and Amy, were able to buy a house and moved in the week before we left and agreed to take care of my four legged fluffy child. My oldest daughter and her husband (Britni and Richie) moved to Texas where they would have the support of Richie's family in our absence. Bryan and Jami's family were finally without any major health concerns. And Erica and Brayden had internships lined up in Dallas. Everyone was taken care of!  It has been amazing to me how much my family has reached out to one another. I love seeing them draw closer and knowing that they truly love each other, even when I'm not there to host the big parties. I'm so grateful for modern technology that let's me stay in touch with those I love, even when I wake up to 79 text messages on the family group text they exchanged while I was sleeping! I am able to keep in touch with my parents, my in-laws and my grandparents from over 5,000 miles away! I couldn't love them or miss them more but I have been promised that they will all be protected and blessed while I serve.

God knows how much I love my family and how much I would miss them. So in lieu of having my own children here with me, He has allowed us the pleasure of serving with amazing young missionaries here in Bosnia that have humored me and allowed me to "mother" them, just a little. We are fortunate to get to serve with missionaries from two cities here in Bosnia, Sarajevo and Tuzla, so our blessings are doubled! I am truly in awe of these young people who are spending 18-24 months giving of themselves to share God's love with others. They have touched my life and they will always have a special place in my heart, even as they are transferred to other areas and continue on to live their lives when they return home. I look forward to making cookies for them, inspecting their apartments and generally loving all of them that we will have the opportunity to serve with while we are here. I'll will need a large photo album to hold the pictures of all the missionaries that pass through our lives over the 18 months! How could you not love these smiling faces?

Knowing my heart's desire to continue on the path of EAAT, I believe that God intervened and changed our assignment from Croatia to Bosnia so I could be part of the amazing therapeutic riding program here, Riders of Hope. Senada and Emin, as well as the staff and riders there feel like extended family to us. I hope that I will be able to contribute half as much back as they have given to me by welcoming me with open arms, allowing me to teach lessons, be involved in the program and breathe deep of my favorite scent!

In keeping with the "God knows me and what I need" theme, we have been guided to find opportunities to work with organizations that champion the inclusion of those with disabilities. This has offered us the opportunity to continue to learn more about the strength of individuals with disabilities and those that stand beside them, to gain a deeper appreciation from the other side of the fence and be part of a movement to improve the quality of life for these special individuals in Bosnia. Though our contributions may be small, I know that we are making a difference and that this is one area of need that God has lead us to in this small country. 

In this past week we have hosted two parties to honor our partners in our humanitarian work, one in Sarajevo and one in Tuzla. As I looked throughout the room at each party, I was overwhelmed by the number of people we have already begun to develop relationships with. The room was filled with Mormons, Muslims, Catholics, Orthodox...a varied collection of religions and backgrounds all sharing a common goal. While the projects we are doing with each may be very different, the purpose is the same... to improve the quality of life!  We shared a meal, watched a video Denny created (watch it here if you've haven't already seen it on Facebook...Humanitarian Video 2016 ), each organization shared a little about what they do and then we played a rousing gift exchange game. The parties were a great way to wrap up our work for the year and to show our appreciation for their partnerships. Without their efforts our desire to help would not be realized. Another reminder that we are where we need to be.

As there are very few members of the church here in Sarajevo and no other senior missionaries, it is sometimes lonely... but it has given Denny and I time to spend together, which I know I will treasure in the years to come. Life was busy for both of us in our pre-mission life and we often crossed paths coming and going about our separate daily routines. Though we sometimes still seek out our own "alone" time, we are learning to work together and to understand each others capabilities better. I know this will continue to bless our lives when we return home. Again, another small reminder that God knows what I need in my life. I will be forever grateful for a husband that listens when God speaks to him and brings me along for the fun!

 Although we will miss our family and friends back home this year, we are still looking forward to Christmas. We will spend it surrounded by young missionaries, new friends and the love of our Savior as we celebrate His birth. And knowing that this is where God needs us and is guiding as we are His hands in Bosnia for a short time. As much as I struggled with the decision to go on a mission, I know without a doubt that it was the right decision and am reminded continually of God's hand in my life. May each of you also feel God's love and remember Christ this Christmas, feeling the joy of the season as you celebrate with those you love.